Want the secret to end nagging and save your relationship? Keep on reading…
We have probably all said the same things to ourselves. To our more naive selves.
“I will never nag. I am not going to be like my mom and nag my husband.”
Then a few months into marriage and you’re a bit more comfortable, you can hear the “I told you do to that yesterday…” leave your lips. You try to stop it. But you can’t. It is inevitable. You’re now a nag.
You accept that it must just come with the territory of marriage. You’ve seen your mom do it, possibly even your grandma. And now, you pass that on that irritating torch!
But you don’t have to. You don’t have to nag. Nagging is not the right answer.
Remember how annoyed you were when your mom nagged? Even if it wasn’t directed at you, it was obnoxious to listen to.
I am not saying I’ve never nagged.
I have! And it definitely didn’t go over well with my husband. Not saying he didn’t do what I was asking. But he was miserable afterwards, I was frustrated and the whole night was ruined.
Nagging is not worth it! Not only is it not worth it, it’s not even necessary to get someone to do something.
Sure you might be saying…
“Yes, Jennifer, but you don’t understand! My family never listens!”
Trust me, I was there. I wasn’t the mother asking but I was the child that didn’t care. You want to know why? Well I thought deeply about this and why I was so stubborn to do what my mom said. I remember as soon as she would say to do something, I would roll my eyes and huff and puff. I realized it was because of her constant nagging.
She wasn’t asking.
Nagging is the perfect way to shut someone down and make them feel belittled. It gets exhausting over time. I believe that when it comes to nagging, we are crazy.
Crazy is when you do the same thing over and over again and expect different results!
Perhaps it is time to try a different method!
Unfortunately, there isn’t a magic word or phrase that will just get people to do what you ask. It is more of an attitude adjustment.
My husband and I have talked about this (because let’s face it, nagging is not only a woman’s issue!). When I nag him to do something it makes him feel like a child, and when I heard that, I felt terrible! I don’t want that in our relationship. That’s the last thing I want to do, is make him feel like I look down at him.
Being an elegant woman, I want to build up my husband not tear him down.
This opened my eyes and I saw that he wants to help me, he likes making me happy. But when I am hurting him or making him feel like he’s never doing what I say by persistently nagging, he naturally pushes away. Which of course, makes me nag more. It’s a terrible cycle to be in.
After some time I have come up with the ultimate secret!
The secret to end nagging forever!
The ultimate secret to end nagging
There are two parts to this. Both must be done in order to end nagging once and for all.
- Higher your expectations
- Appreciation and Gratitude
Higher your expectations
When you do this, everyone around you knows what you expect of them.
When you ask them to do something, they know you expect it to get done soon and if not they could disappoint you. But this is something that they have to find out on their own. Hence why patience is necessary.
What you have to do is when you ask your husband to clean our the dishwasher (nicely, I might add), just ask once.
If it doesn’t get done then you have to do it. Do it without bringing any attention to it. Do it quietly and quickly so to not give him a chance to come in and finish it. Don’t ask him again. But then when he notices the dishwasher is empty he might feel a little bad.
Next time, when you ask him politely to clear out the dishwasher, he will remember last time that you had to to do it and you did it without complaining or nagging. So he might go straight for it and finish it. He would hate to disappoint you again.
Keep it up, until one day you will notice that he is doing it without you even asking!
You are not annoying him and constantly pestering him to do it, so he won’t feel the need to stand his ground and be rebellious. Everyone wins.
You expect him to help, and he will.
Just give him time.
Appreciate and Gratitude
This is a huge one!
I think this is the most important key in any relationship any time!
Everyone loves to feel appreciated and noticed when they do a job. So, the best way to keep them helping or doing, is to mention how great of a job their doing.
Think of it this way…
If you were slaving over the kitchen attempting to make the best meal you’ve ever made and you thought it was amazing. But during and after dinner no one says a thank you or even mentions how good it was.
Will you do that again?
So you see that if you ask someone to do something for you, thank them and tell them how good of a job it was or how much it helped you. Express how much it means to you when they help.
This is a sure fire way to get everyone helping a bit more around the house.
In the end…
Nagging does nothing but frustrate, hurt and belittle.
It gets exhausting and doesn’t look good on you. So please stop nagging. Learn to be patient and higher your expectations. Appreciate what they do, even if you had to ask.
You will be much more elegant by asking once, getting what you need done, and no nagging necessary.
Until next time
Keep it elegant!
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